I’m not sure why pancakes are featured so much in my posts. I think food is way we express love to others. Sometimes though meeting a child’s physical needs is not enough. Yesterday was one of those days.
I made my kids fresh pancakes. I saved the perfect looking one for kid 2 as he had had a meltdown the day before because his pancake was broken. He had asked me if he could make a new one and I happily agreed. This time he wanted to make it all by himself. I gave him the control and when he flipped it, it folded in on itself. He had a complete meltdown. I wish I could say that I was there for him emotionally. The thoughts through my head were “get over it baby, that’s life.. tastes the same anyway… seriously there are starving kids in Africa.” I’m sure my thoughts influenced his ability to feel heard and be ok. So back to yesterdays pancakes… Yesterday I had made him the most perfect pancake possible. I poured the honey over it and sprinkled it with chocolate chips the way he likes. He took the honey and started squeezing more and I took the honey away saying I had already honeyed it. He had a complete meltdown saying he won’t eat breakfast and went to cry on the couch. (This is my easiest childJ)
I did not empathize with what he was going through. My thoughts were like “eat the darn pancake you spoiled brat.” Although I was acing meeting his physical needs, I was lacking the ability to really feel for what he was going through and be there for him.
I heard Ross Greene speak last week. He’s my favorite author of “the explosive child”
I was all inspired to help my kid cope with the skills he was lacking. It’s really hard to be there for someone when I am so focused on getting it right and getting sucked into my own hurt and frustration. It’s also really hard for me to feel what the kid is going through without getting sucked into that pain. Pain is not a comfortable place for me, so I just avoid it. By avoiding it, I am also avoiding truly connecting to my child.
This morning, after his meltdown about not going to school because they are taking pictures… because he does not like having pictures, and he hates being the tallest in his class and the most visible, I made him trzmizzini for breakfast. Tramizzini is cheese, tomatoes and spices inserted in a pita bread and fried. He took one bight and gagged and said he can’t handle the taste. I told him no worries he could have cereal and milk instead. And so he did and this morning I had a yummy breakfast of tramizzini and a child with no meltdowns over his breakfast.